


Ghosts of Companions Past

by Some_Impossible_Fairytale



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:16:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some_Impossible_Fairytale/pseuds/Some_Impossible_Fairytale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Throughout his regenerations the Doctor has had many companions who all - at some point got left behind. He believes he changed their lives for the better - but did he really? And what about the ways they changed him? </p><p>The Lonely God thinks he deserves to be just that, but the universe doesn't agree...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Horror Movie

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I originally posted this on Fanfiction.net and decided to put it on here too.
> 
> Okay, so I got this idea from watching a trailer of Ghosts of Girlfriends past. When suddenly *ping* Light-bulb! Aw darn. *flicks broken bulb* It was working earlier. Ignore me. Too many E numbers. ANYWAY, it got me thinking - of all the companions the Doctor has had does he regret not letting them into his life as much as he could have? Read on to find out.
> 
> PS. This is set after the Xmas Invasion. Rose has seen the Doctor regenerate - but he decided that life aboard the TARDIS was too dangerous for her. And to tell the truth was a little more than freaked about the Bad Wolf thing. So after saving Earth from the Sycorax, left alone. But still travelled with Martha and Donna afterwards. Misses the whole Doctor Donna Children of Earth thing in this reality - sorry!
> 
> I'll add tags as I go so I don't forget anything or anyone.

The Doctor walked round the console, half expecting to see Martha's eager glances or Donna's sceptical once-over.

Nothing.

Alone.

Again.

The curse of the Time Lords.

 _But you didn't have to be alone_ said another less rational voice in his head.  _You could have had Rose. But you pushed her away like all the others._

"I didn't push them!" argued the Doctor aloud, to the empty console room. "They wanted to leave" he muttered, gazing at his battered Converse. 

 _Some of them_ the voice allowed. _But what about the ones you pushed away?_ it taunted.

" I showed them a better life. They came away better, stronger people from their time with me! Your being ridiculous." the Doctor snappishly announced. He wasn't angry with the TARDIS, with Sexy, because his ship didn't have a voice as such, more an aura, a presence in his conciousness. He knew the snide voice all too well. The voice of the being who hated him the most. Himself. 

 

"No I'm not" laughed a light, female voice from the other side of the room, making him jump.

What the- "Susan!?"

For sure enough, across the room, stood his granddaughter, not looking a day over 20, exactly like the last time they saw each other.

"Hello Grandfather" she murmured softly

"But your-" he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I know." she smiled a little sadly. "I'm here as a - well I was going to say introduction but warning sounds more appropriate"she laughed lightly

"For what?" he asked tensing, immediately on his guard, that something was going to breach the sanctuary of his ship, the only piece of home he had left. 

 

"Tonight - you will be visited by 3 ghosts. Past, Present & Future. To show you how your Companions really turned out from their time with you."

"Including you?" he asked curiousity winning over caution, as it so often did with him. Susan's smile grew fond. 

 

"No. I volunteered to come see you actually. Now, I never got to say thank you. For my time with you" she smiled. " _Thank you_ grandfather" Susan's voice was warm though he noticed the slight tremor of emotion in her voice

 

"Your…" he turned to face her once more, desperate to catch a glimpse of her again, if only for a moment "gone" Swallowing his sadness, he turned back to the central console and asked his beloved ship, in a mixture of amusement and despair.

 

"Is my life destined to be one long horror movie or what?"


	2. Speculation

After his unexpected visit in the console room, the Doctor had felt the TARDIS to be a truly humungous place, empty and echoing with no more talking , no more laughing, _no more drunken play fights with Jack, or the occasional lazy day watching telly with-_ **snap outta it!** he had commanded himself before he could think the name. It's better that I'm alone. No-one can get hurt. The Doctor left the console room abruptly lest he be haunted by more personal ghosts. 3 was quite enough to be going along with.

"Ghosts?" mused the Doctor aloud. "Never had much patience with ghosts. Pale, repetitive things. And that moaning they do…" the Doctor had left the console room and taken the unusually brisk walk to his room. The TARDIS obviously wanted him to get there quicker than normal. _Weird._ Shrugging, the Doctor sat down cross legged on his double bed in the dimly lighted room. Waiting. "Besides" he said to no-one in particular "I don't think there's much cop in ghosts to be honest. Usually some idiot in a sheet. I dunno-" he rubbed his earlobe with his thumb as he always did when he speculated

" Human energy trapped in a split second. That's all they are. See, " he was again addressing thin air "It's _emotional_ energy. Humans are capable of a million emotions but the most powerful of all is grief. A pain so deep that they're systems just can't cope. Overflow. And time moves so quickly that sometimes that energy gets trapped in a certain place or certain time and grows, _manifesting_ itself into a projection of the being who felt that loss. Just atoms in the air." he paused, reflectively.

"oh, I am, am I?" came a voice. The Doctor's head snapped round to his bedroom door. It was still closed. But standing there, clear as day was a woman. She had soft brown hair and big chocolate eyes, set in a ice cream coloured reflection.

She wore denim bell bottoms, a tied-die t-shirt and brown crocheted waistcoat. Strings of multicoloured beads hung round her neck a tiny pair of rose coloured granny glasses hung from a golden chain and a vibrant purple wool beanie pulled down over her head - flattening her hair and hiding her ears.

"Who the hell are you?!"

"Oh that's nice."

"Sorry - the Doctor coughed, clearing his throat "What are you doing in my room?"

The woman walked closer - or , perhaps it would be more accurate to say, _grooved_ swinging her hips and nodding her head to imaginary music "I am the ghost of Companions Past."

"I don't remember any of my companions wearing _that_ "

"Oh but you wouldn't. She smiled, dreamily "I'm merely the physical representation of all your past companions. A hundred different personalities " she gestured at her rainbow tie-die "blended into 1 being"

"What's your name?"

"Iris. As in the greek goddess of the rainbow." she preened.

"I am going to take you through your past companions and show you the mistakes you made with them." she reached for his hand.

The Doctor's jaw dropped " _All of them?"_

"No! Silly!" she giggled "Just the ones from your ninth and tenth incarnations.

"But- that's crossing my own timeline - that's not allowed " he stuttered.

"Golly your dumb. They won't be able to see you. Anyway Doctor, you explained it before. Human emotions - make powerful memories. _This place alone is full of them_. But being your companion means those poor girls went through a powerful emotional roller coaster. Half the time they lived on adrenaline alone. Poor things. Remember to feed the next one a bit better, eh?" she chided. "Everywhere you would go there are moments. Emotional ones. Ghosts. Let's go. " and without another word she pulled him of the bed and into another country known as the Past.

 


	3. The Distant Rose

_Well,_ thought the Doctor _I wasn't expecting this. Actually, I don't think I expected anything. I like not knowing- keeps me on my toes._

Having just left his room - he was surprised to find himself standing beside Iris in the console room, hidden in the shadows. And they weren't alone. On the other side of the room there he stood. Dressed in those slacks, that jacket and a new jumper. Look at that daft ol' face. Rose stood a little across from him. That adorable look she got when she was confused on her face.

"Why are we here? When was this?"

"Sssh. Keep your voice down." Iris insisted.

"I thought you said they couldn't hear me?"

"They can't. But _I_ can. I'm trying to listen"

He fell silent and listened alongside her. Well judging from the fact that it was his ninth self and Rose still had long hair - this had to be a long time ago. _A happier one.._

"You know - there's not much point in this if your not going to listen and see what you did wrong" came Iris' melodic voice, sharp with annoyance.

"Sorry." he apologised and truly tried to focus.

"So…Adam seems to be taking it very well." came the Doctor's sarky tone

"Oi! Just because he's got his head down the pan don't mean he's a coward."

"You weren't sick on your first go"

"He's probably got Motion sickness" quipped Rose, defensively.

"Anyway, there's something else you ment to ask?" Queried the Doctor. "I know that face"

"What face? " Rose decided to cut to the chase "Doctor - what did - the Dalek"

The Doctor watched his face cloud over "Yeah?" came the terse reply. He turned away - checking another panel. _Wow. Not often you get to see the back of your head. I wasn't that bald!_

He felt something sharp in his side "We've already discussed this " warned Iris "Listen will ya!"

He nodded. Then it hit him - if this was after the Dalek, and Adam was onboard _I think I know which conversation we're having!"_

"It said you loved me? Do you? Love - me I mean"

The old Doctor turned to face her again. The new one watched anxiously. _Don't say it…_

He saw himself hesitating "Love - you" he breathed out quickly. "Sure"

Rose's eyes lit up she was just about to say it…

"As a friend. That's you Rose Tyler. My best friend" _He said it. Idiot._

The glimmer died. She forced a smile "Yep. Best mates" she breathed out. "I'll go check on Adam" she left and walked straight through the Doctor as she passed.

The Doctor shuddered but his eyes remained on the lone figure. Muttering a little.

"I don't believe I said that"

Iris held up her index finger and twirled it round, a little frustrated. Rose reappeared walking backward taking her place opposite the Doctor like a actor rehearsing a play "Love you - as a friend"

"Okay. I get it"

"See? You had the perfect chance to tell her and blew it"

"Yeah."

"Still think you didn't hurt her?"

The figures faded. To be replaced by the same characters in a different position. The Doctor looked pained.

"Stay away!" he ordered at a terrified Rose. And then.. The golden light, the smile, the slimness.

"Now there is 1 good looking guy"

"Shut up. This is serious."

"How?" And then he saw Rose's face "Who are you?" He watched the scene unfold in silence "I wasn't that bad." he saw Iris' face "Was I?"

"You changed every single cell in your body, looked different, talked different and you expected her to be okay with that?" she asked, incredulous.

"This is Rose we're talk-"

"Yeah. Scared Frightened. Suffering memory loss. And the 1 man she trusts with her life …disappears" scolded Iris. "You've no idea what that does to a person!"

"Alright. I shoulda talked to her more bout it but the others felt "

"The exact same! They were older - better at hiding emotion. Not" she waggled her finger and tapped her toes in accordance to the silent beat "as young as her."

He watched as he pranced about the console, singing and laughing as the TARDIS shuddered and jerked violently. Rose, he noted, was curled up on the floor - hugging a pillar for support but - her expression was now one of utter loss - like she was holding onto the TARDIS because it was the only familiar thing left. Unconsciously he moved toward her to sit beside her and give her a hug - but his arm no substance. He couldn't hold her. He closed his eyes and breathed out. When he opened them again - Rose was gone. The TARDIS was gone.

Wait, Rose wasn't gone. She stood leaning against a wall talking to Mickey. _Where were they now?_ Thought the Doctor. _This looks likes Jackie's flat_. _When is this?_

That's when he saw himself, his current self asleep in a bed – in Jackie's flat. "I look a bit peaky"

"You've just regenerated, dumbo"

"Oh."

"The real Doctor, the proper Doctor, he'd wake up. He'd save us."

"What? But she knows it's me! We already had this conversation in the TARDIS!"

"Oh be fair" Iris commented defensively "She was exhausted. She nearly burned to death! She's bound to be in denial a little "

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Lordy, for a Time Lord your kinda stupid. I'm a collective representation of every companion, _remember?_ "

"So can empathise with Rose?"

"Hun, I am part Rose"

But - I thought she knew me better than that?"

"What was it Martha Jones said? "You never say". You told her more than you ever told Rose. You never told Rose of Galifrey."

"I was going to " argued the Doctor "I just" he realised "never made the time"

"She was my best friend. She loved me?"

"So much. " came Iris' heartfelt reply and maybe it was just the way she seemed to be softly lit from within but her eyes may or may not have been shining ever so slightly.

"And I left her. It's a funny old life in the TARDIS. Her mum wanted her to be safe and so did I. It's dangerous. She knew that, she saw what it did to me and Iris she doesn't have any extra lives, next time she could've ended up dead."

"She didn't care."

"She wasn't sure if she still wanted to come.... cos I'd changed."

"No… You weren't"

"Can we go now?" he whined, his eyes on Rose's heartbroken face. It was the same face from when he'd told her goodbye. _No there was one experience he definitely didn't want to revisit._ Once more, Iris took his hand and pulled him through the open bedroom door.


	4. Voice of a Nightingale

"See?" asked Iris, gesturing to the long dark haired doctor staring up at a tall skinny bloke in blue pinstrips. " _This_ is where you went wrong"

"What do you mean? I just met her. "

"That's my point." They watched as the Doctor sped off down the corridor, before turning round "And 5...4...3...2..1" and kissed Martha, full on the lips.

"There you go."

"What? Run of the mill genetic transfer. Nothing to get your tie-dye in a twist about." he griped evasively. 

Iris glared. "How was she menna know what that was?"

"I – I told her. No idea why she started fancying me" he muttered with an honest shrug, watching Martha with glassy eyes. 

"Like hell you don't" snorted Iris. She walked brusquely into a hospital room, the Doctor following blindly. "What's in here? Urrgh, looks like Mr. Simmons has a bowel problem – that smell. Okay...." he pointed, having emerged, not into a old man's hospital room but the room he and Martha had shared at The Elephant during their excursions with the Bard himself. 

The Doctor looked at Iris in confusion who was watching him reproachfully

"That's no Mr. Simmons." In the silence that followed he heard himself say "Rose'd know" cringing he turned to see Martha roll over away from him rejectedly. _Way ta go_ he criticised himself.

"That was a one off " he said in way of explanation.

Iris stepped forward, eyes hard and took his hand. He instantly saw Martha's face as his voice rumbled like thunder in the background "Rose'd know" reverberating round his cranium multiple times as Martha's face flashed behind his eyelids ranging in expressions , sad, disappointed, angry, distant.

"Well, I'm here and _she's_ not" Iris's melodious voice broke the echo. "That's what she always thought inside her head. You always had her believe she was second best, compared with a memory she could never best."

"Each time?"

" _Every_ time"

 _Ouch._ Iris nodded, her head bobbing up in time, eyelids closed, swaying on the balls of her feet.

"Why are you doing that?"

"You realise that was rude?"

" _Really?_   I was going for mild disinterest." he said sarcastically. 

"The Song of the Universe"

"Sorry?" The Doctor looked at her properly with genuine (and slightly apologetic) interest now. 

"You gotta stop saying that. The Music of the Spheres. That's what I'm always dancing too."

"You can hear it? I thought you were just my companions..."

Now came something he wasn't expecting... her voice reverberated and he could hear them. All of them, Rose and Martha, Donna and Jack. Mickey, Jackie even...

"We could all hear it. Each in a different way but yeah..." she scuffed her shoe on the rush matting, ducking her head "we heard it....It's almost time."

"For what?"

"For me to go. Just 1 Companion's past left."

She took his hand. "Peace offering", they left the dimly lit room re- entering the TARDIS console room. And the Doctor saw something that brought a smile to his face.

"I'll see you around mister" Martha laughed.

"Sure will" The Doctor said, forgetting Iris.

"We're late." She reminded him, with a prod in the ribs. "God your skinny!"

 _Who does that remind me of?_ He thought "For what?" he asked aloud.

"The Wedding", their surroundings began to fade

"I'm rubbish at weddings"

"Especially your own" came Iris' voice, echoing in the darkness. And before the Doctor's eyes, a scene began to take shape. But it, at this present moment, the figure that was most clear.

A figure all in white.


End file.
